Random Ramblings: Move is complete

So, at the last minute, I decided to move. I couldn’t stay in San Francisco anymore. There were a lot of reasons. The main one, was that I couldn’t leave the house. I have been trapped in that apartment for more than two years. I couldn’t go down the stairs and I couldn’t use the elevator because of the big heavy gate.

There was a lot of talk about moving to San Diego, but I just didn’t think I could manage the drive – in any fashion. What I ended up having to do was order an ambulance service to drive me to San Mateo.  It was humiliating. I don’t like to be so disabled that I would have to use an ambulance service. I cried a little bit on the drive. Although, I did keep thinking to myself it would be worth it in the end because I would have more freedom. More sun. More flat surfaces to walk on and try and improve my duration/endurance.

I have mixed feelings about the move. I’m not super pumped that my illness caused me to have to leave the area that I love. I have lived in San Francisco for ten years. I loved my job. With the move, it makes me feels like I had to admit to myself that I just wasn’t getting better and that I’m not going to be well enough in the foreseeable future in order to condone living in a place I can’t leave unless someone lets me out.

I really wish things were different. So, so very much. Hopefully this change of scenery will improve my health. Maybe there was something in the air in San Francisco. Maybe there was something to inhaling all of that exhaust soot all the time. Who knows. I really, really hope I get better.


Madeline Fresco is a novelist who lives in San Francisco. She is the author of CROSSED THE LINE, available for Kindle at Amazon.com, for Nook at Barnes & Noble, and as an ePub at other eBook retailers. You can also listen to her novel as a free, serialized audiobook at madelinefresco.com. Her second book THE CHOICE, is available on Kindle at Amazon. Her third book ANGUISH, is available for Kindle at Amazon.com

Random Ramblings – moving out of my apartment

So I think it comes down to how do I think  I am best going to get better? I think the best way is if I move apartments. I need to be able to come and go as I please. I also need to be able to do more stuff, which is what the freedom of having a ground apartment will do. I won’t get better if I keep doing the same things all the time.


In my heart of hearts, I know it is for the best. I just hate the idea of having to spend all the money on moving. I hate the idea that it is going to be a rough go, trying to fit everything from my apartment, which is quite large, into a much, much smaller apartment. I also don’t like the fact that I’m not going to be able to do much of the work. Even supervising it could prove to be taxing. I think I will have to do a little bit at a time, spread out over the next few weeks.


It’s also sad that on top of losing my dog, my job … I now also lose my apartment.