Move Complete -Part 1

The move is complete as of Saturday evening. It was equally harder, and a little bit better than I had expected.

This entry will only be the drive as I am in so much pain I can’t even write for few minutes.

At first, I couldn’t even get into the bed. It was chest high and we had to build a platform for me to get in. I started to cry, because it showed just how difficult my situation is. I can’t even get into a bed! People don’t realize just how bad off I am.

Then we started to drive and I bounced around in the thing, lifting clear off the bed. There was literally separation between my back and the bed.  I started to have a full fledged panic attack at that point. I couldn’t believe that we put that much effort into moving me and it wasn’t going to work out.

My brother called and tried to calm me down. He was very supportive. He told me I could bail. That he would fly the next day to figure something out. He told me I wasn’t a failure, even though I totally felt like one.

We ultimately ended up rearranging the bed into a different part of the RV that was a little less bouncy. I did better with that, but it was still the stupidest thing I have ever done. It was not worth it. I am in so much more pain now. What sucks, is that I had to do it because I am out of money and San Francisco/San Mateo is just way, way too expensive to live on zero income. It’s nuts. If my disability insurance carrier would have paid me my money I would never of had to go through this. I wouldn’t be in worse pain now, and I wouldn’t be scared shitless that this is my new baseline. I just keep getting worse, and because my body is already in a weakened state, I don’t bounce back from stuff nearly as easily and if at all.

I’m too exhausted to write about all of my difficulties since getting to San Diego and I will save that for next week.