Chronic pain journal – rambling

I walked twice today for 30 minutes, so that was pretty good. However, I just can’t get over the fact that sometimes when I wake up, I think to myself, why is it so bad? If I woke up with this pain today, I would think it would be gone in a few weeks. I just don’t understand why it just won’t go away?

It’s been tough lately, with my 3 year old niece. She asked me last Friday if I would come over. I live in San Francisco and they live in Salt Lake.

Me “No, baby, I can’t come over – -I live far away.”

Her “Can you come over in an hour?”

Me “No, Baby.”

Her “In TWO hours?”

Me “No, baby, not even in two hours.”

Her “In ten hours?”

How do you argue with that? There was certainly tears that night on my part.

Today she asked me to come over and paint her nails. Later in the conversation she asked me if she could come over here. I think in her three year old brain she is trying to work out a way that we can see each other.

I hope she finds the answer.

I hate how much I am missing out on. Seriously, it just absolutely sucks.

My daydreams of seeing her are even changing. Now when I think of seeing her, it’s me, just sitting there. Not being the fun aunt that plays with her, that rough-houses with her.

I’m so over all of this.

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