Family Visit Went Great

flowers and butterfliesIn my last post I stated my family was coming to visit. Well …

It went great!

I had so much fun.

Logistically, I was a bit nervous. As my now 5-year-old niece likes to say “your house is kind of small”.  I wouldn’t care at all if my family was staying with me if I had a big house, but my family room is small! She’s not wrong! I was worried two queen air beds would not fit — but they did! I was also a bit worried that with 5 people in my tiny apartment we would be tripping all over each other.

I am quite pleased to report that that didn’t happen. The adults and kids were very cognizant of picking up after themselves or kicking toys under stuff to reduce the chance I would trip. That’s a huge concern of mine because whenever I do trip it’s beyond painful. Plus, I would be slightly embarrassed about screaming out in pain if I tripped. I don’t even have to fall down, just the jarring nature of tripping is excruciating.

Ultimately, I was beyond thrilled that they stayed with me. It was way better than the last time when they went to a hotel. I got tons more time with everyone and I could better plan when to lay down.

The kids were really wonderful about not jumping on me or tugging at me. They really did understand that Auntie is delicate and that went a long way into making my weekend more enjoyable — I could actually relax around them. I trusted them quite a bit, but that didn’t stop me from acting like I was in the mafia — always wanting my back against the wall! No surprises from behind!

beautiful-flower-wallpaperThe adults were great, too. Obviously, the children doing so well with Auntie is a direct reflection of the parenting by the adults. My sister-in-law and my brother did a great job of letting me lay down when I needed to and I didn’t feel too badly about having to do it. I could have laid down more, but I was just so excited to see everyone. Me not laying down more was on me, certainly not them. Besides, I am very happy to report that even though I pushed it, I am not the worse-for-wear after the weekend! Yay!

There was one incident when the 5-year-old came into the bedroom and started grilling me on my laying down habits which was slightly upsetting, not because of her, but because it’s just upsetting that I have to do it. Plus, kids don’t know how to read when someone is getting upset — the interrogation did not end swiftly! It’s okay though. I had no problem answering her questions, it’s just, like her, I have a hard time understanding my situation and when I have to reiterate it to those big blue eyes of hers it reminds me of how much I’ve lost.

wild-flowersMy favorite parts of the weekend were coloring with SK, brushing our teeth together, and texting. Yes, texting. She loves it. The nice thing was I trusted her enough to let her lay in bed with me and she was unbelievably sweet. We talked abut it for a minute or so and she did a good job convincing Auntie. She made up a rule that she would not cross a line in the bed and I was impressed that she kept her word! I mean, she’s 5! So it was really nice to lay next to her and text back and forth. SK likes the emoticons and she makes me happy with the stories she makes up about the little icons.

With Little Man, my favorite parts of the weekend with him was brushing our hair together and fireworks. He let me brush his hair for him and then he ran around reporting to everyone how smooth his hair was. My heart was filled with such joy! He also really liked the 4th of July fireworks and watching his face made me happy. SK tried real hard to participate, but at the end of the day, she just doesn’t like the noise. I was proud of her for trying and even more proud of her for just coming to the conclusion that she didn’t have to be out there with us.

Favorite kiddo lines from the weekend:

SK (after a minute of just staring at me) “I want you to drive back to Arizona with us”

SK (walks up from family room, hugs me) “I really like you, Auntie”

– both of these were just the fucking sweetest –

Little Man (in regards to them going to the pool. I don’t have this one exact) “We have to wait for Auntie, her suit’s not on yet”

– this one made me happy as he didn’t want to leave me behind! –

Little Man has one of the sweetest hearts around.

1267168-beauty-flowerOverall, the weekend was fabulous. I really, really loved having people around. I get quite desperately lonely as I am by myself almost every single day. Just to have laughter in the house and things happening was so wonderful. I miss people, I especially miss my family. I won’t lie to you, I sobbed uncontrollably Sunday night because I already missed them and it was just so nice to have people around. It’s one of the things that is hardest about my situation — the loneliness. The pain of course is horrible, but coupled with the isolation it’s close to unbearable at times. I try and hide it when people do come over because who wants to hear a sob story when you actually do get to spend time with people? Plus, my mom was a big complainer so I try everything in my power not to bring attention to my misery.

So if anyone is reading this blog, even though it is mostly just a journal for myself, please know that if you are worried about family coming to visit things can turn out brilliantly, like they did for me!


This blog is made possible thanks to this GoDaddy coupon CJSIGLERC. If you want to blog yourself, I highly recommend it, check it out.


Madeline Fresco is a novelist who lives in San Diego. She is the author of CROSSED THE LINE, available for Kindle at, for Nook at Barnes & Noble, and as an ePub at other eBook retailers. You can also listen to her novel as a free, serialized audiobook Her second book THE CHOICE, is available on Kindle at Amazon. Her third book ANGUISH, is available for Kindle at


Family coming to visit!

DandelionsI’m super excited because my family is coming for a visit! I just found out on Saturday!

Oh, and they are coming THIS Friday!

They are also not very motivated so they are staying with me, in my 700 square foot apartment! It was too late for them to get a hotel room and at this point, too expensive.

Yikes! 4 people sleeping on air mattresses in my family room!

So, for those of us with pain, we know how stressful it can be for family members to come for a visit.



  • Trying to/wanting to pick up the house
  • Take it easy to save spoons, although this rarely helps on the day
  • Extra grocery shopping
  • Pushing yourself because you want to keep up



  • Dealing with people not necessarily understanding your situation they want you to do more than you can do
  • Being confronted with what you can’t do or participate in
  • Feeling misunderstood, people judging you for what you can or can’t do
  • Missing them when they leave
  • Having to rely on friends to help prepare for your visit – feeling bad about this


Dandelions 2There is always so much that goes on in our chronic pain heads. People also don’t realize we can’t just be easy breezy. We can’t just roll with things like we used to or want to. It takes planning, help from other people, and a mental fortitude to stick up for yourself. Especially since they are staying with me, I will need to do an expert job of speaking up for myself when I need to go lay down. I can just hear my brother now “oh, you’re fine”.

Regardless of all that, I am so beyond thrilled they are coming. I love my little nephew and niece and am so, so, so happy to see them. Plus, it’s a little emotional as they are moving back to Michigan in a few weeks so this might be the last time I see them for years.

Wish me luck!


This blog is made possible thanks to this GoDaddy coupon CJSIGLERC. If you want to blog yourself, I highly recommend it, check it out.


Madeline Fresco is a novelist who lives in San Diego. She is the author of CROSSED THE LINE, available for Kindle at, for Nook at Barnes & Noble, and as an ePub at other eBook retailers. You can also listen to her novel as a free, serialized audiobook Her second book THE CHOICE, is available on Kindle at Amazon. Her third book ANGUISH, is available for Kindle at

Hey Old Man, I Love You


Old Man


How I wish to hear your voice on the other end of the phone. To hear the joy in your voice when I call and with a warm laugh hear him respond “Hey Tyrone!”

I do not know why he called me that. Maybe because of the movie Snatch by Guy Ritchie. I only know that I liked it when he did.

2014_05_12_10_38_21.pdf000I also know that he was the best of men. The best husband, a great father, and a wonderful person to all. He was a role model to many. He cared for people in a way that is special and hard to find.

I loved him dearly.

I wish he was here now. Not just because I am ill, not just because I know he would welcome me home with open arms, but because I would like to share a Labatt Blue with him and cook another meal with him. I want to see him pretend he doesn’t like dogs to only sneak treats to them when he thinks no one is looking.

I love you Old Man. I hope Emma is keeping you company. Be nice to Emma up there in heaven, because I know where ever she is, she’s taking up 3/4’s of the bed.

Random Ramblings – Brother in town to visit

I have not seen my brother in a year and a half — the exact amount of time that I have been injured.

I last saw him when his son was born. It was two weeks after I hurt myself originally. Then, it was just the T10-T11 ligament tear. I was able to get on the plane, see his son born, but had to return early because the pain was a bit much.

Now, that seems so long ago. I would never be able to get on a plane now. I can’t even drive. Oh, how I wish I could go back to even just how hurt I was then.

Anyways, I’m so excited to see him because before I was injured, I would fly to see him almost every other month. Sometimes every 6 weeks. I love my twin, and I love his kids. I wish I could play with them, and play hide and seek, play with them, and read to them.

For now, I will just be happy to spend time with my brother.

We have the Lions game to watch tomorrow together, which will be super fun. I’ll order us some food, and we can just relax and not talk — cause, really, he’s still a boy!

I can’t wait!

Chronic pain journal – rambling

I walked twice today for 30 minutes, so that was pretty good. However, I just can’t get over the fact that sometimes when I wake up, I think to myself, why is it so bad? If I woke up with this pain today, I would think it would be gone in a few weeks. I just don’t understand why it just won’t go away?

It’s been tough lately, with my 3 year old niece. She asked me last Friday if I would come over. I live in San Francisco and they live in Salt Lake.

Me “No, baby, I can’t come over – -I live far away.”

Her “Can you come over in an hour?”

Me “No, Baby.”

Her “In TWO hours?”

Me “No, baby, not even in two hours.”

Her “In ten hours?”

How do you argue with that? There was certainly tears that night on my part.

Today she asked me to come over and paint her nails. Later in the conversation she asked me if she could come over here. I think in her three year old brain she is trying to work out a way that we can see each other.

I hope she finds the answer.

I hate how much I am missing out on. Seriously, it just absolutely sucks.

My daydreams of seeing her are even changing. Now when I think of seeing her, it’s me, just sitting there. Not being the fun aunt that plays with her, that rough-houses with her.

I’m so over all of this.