Excursion Day # 2 With Chronic Pain

Last night I had one of my first ventures out here in San Diego. I had a friend drive me the 200 feet to the bar because it was raining and I was afraid I would slip. I know, right? The second time I decide to try and go out in 2 months it was raining!

 

I was meeting the only other person that I know here in San Diego, a college friend from my MSU days.

 

We arranged to meet at that bar after a little bit of a scheduling difficulty. I picked the place because it was so close to my house and I wanted to see if I could make it the few feet to get there. If I could, it would mean I would have a few places I could go on my own.

 

However, he wanted to change the place to a five minute drive from my house. That sucked, because I had to tell him no. A five minute drive is too far for me to handle sitting right now. Plus, after driving, I would already be shot and would not be able to stand there for an hour. Also, I would have been in too much pain to concentrate on what he was saying.

 

I had to decline and it made me seem a little too picky. However, as we all know, we want to hide how sick we are and this was just highlighting it.

 

We met at the bar and he brought his girlfriend. That threw me for a loop. I was prepared to speak to one person, not two. When there is more than one person, my already distracted brain has a much harder time. My conversation skills, therefore, were a bit lacking.

 

Besides, I haven’t had a real conversation with someone who didn’t know my condition since this all began. My friends in San Francisco watched as I progressively got worse, and we all just accommodated from there. This, this was from the get-go.

 

The only thing that was tough was that they weren’t very conversational either. I had to carry the conversation a bit of the time, which taxed my already troubled brain. I had so much to think about that normal people don’t! You know! I had to think about the bar, how I was standing, how my back was exposed to people walking by, how I was cold and therefore my spasms were worse. There was also so much to see! I am so very under stimulated in my own house! Also, in a nice way, my friend kept texting every ten minutes, checking up on me. so much going on that normal people who go out don’t have to think about. Plus, I had to constantly check the clock to make sure I wasn’t over doing it. Then there is also the amount of energy expended thinking about your own back. How’s it doing? Is it starting to hurt so bad you will be in tears tonight –things like that.

 

Ultimately, it was a very good experience. I was able to leave my house for the second time in two months and it was overall a success. I have two Lidocaine patches on my back today and have already dosed with some Motrin. I know I will be in more pain today, but it was a mental win.

 

How do you manage when you go out?

Stuart Scott

Sometimes, things hit you hard, you know?

Stuart Scott’s passing was hard to take this morning. I cried. A lot. I find it kind of interesting, because I didn’t know the man. I have never met him. However, I watch a lot of sports and I always liked listening to what he had to say. I liked that he had an easy going rapport with his fellow commentators. It just seemed everyone liked him. There are times when I watch Steve Young and Trent Dilfer and I wonder if Steve wants to punch Trent for being a blow-hard, I know I would.

No one ever looked at Stuart Scott that way.

He was a large part of why MNF is my favorite. The way he guided the pre and post show was seamless. Almost as if he was just hanging out with his buddies. I guess, in a way, he really was.

When he wasn’t there, the show was always a little less fun. A little less lighthearted.

Stuart Scott had missed shows before, but this year, it became noticeable. The shows he missed began piling up. My fear for him began mounting.

I realized I began looking for him. Seriously, wasn’t he going to come back? If he wasn’t on air, that meant he hadn’t beat this round of cancer.

One week, I couldn’t stand it anymore, and I googled him. He had just posted on Twitter. Phew, I thought. He’s still fighting the good fight.

A few weeks ago on MNF, Steve, Suzy, Trent, and Ray made a gesture to Stuart on air that they were thinking of him. My stomach knotted up.

I knew it must be bad.

Stuart Scott was a man that let us see a bit of him. He shared his struggle against cancer with us. He let us feel for him, to pray for him, to be inspired by him.

That is why I am so saddened to see him go. He wasn’t an actor. He wasn’t President. He wasn’t a superstar. He was a man who lived his life the way he wanted to, and he did it well. He did it so well, that people took notice, myself included. He was Stuart Scott … and we loved him for it.