I love this quote – Mike Tyson

I read this quote the other day, and I just thought I would share. It speaks volumes about how you want to live your life. You have it all planned out — until you get punched in the mouth — and then that all goes out the window.

I wanted to stay in my job, have a family, travel, see my nephews and nieces every 6 weeks. I wanted to improve my breast stoke in swimming.

Well, then I got punched in the mouth by life.

I feel the same way about attacking this back pain, except it’s like getting punched in the face over and over again by Mike Tyson. First, it was like, okay, no problem, gonna lose my job. Then, yup, lost my husband. Then, okay, no more state disability. Then no more MetLife disability. Oh, brother might be moving clear across the country. Yikes, no support. Oops, without money, how will I keep a roof over my head.

At least boxing matches only have so many rounds.

I would like to know when my match will be over.

I think this is one of the most amazing quotes I have ever read. It simplifies everything.

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Madeline Fresco is a novelist who lives in San Francisco. She is the author of CROSSED THE LINE, available for Kindle at Amazon.com, for Nook at Barnes & Noble, and as an ePub at other eBook retailers. You can also listen to her novel as a free, serialized audiobook at madelinefresco.com. Her second book THE CHOICE, is available on Kindle at Amazon. Her third book ANGUISH, is available for Kindle at Amazon.com

Reading Unlearn Your Pain

Yes, I’m still on this self-help kick. No one else has seemingly helped me, so I’m trying different avenues on my own. Hopefully, it will give me some insights into how to tell my body to stop causing me pain. The things I do should not cause this much pain. While the fact that I am tight, and my range of motion is decreased, it shouldn’t cause me so much pain just to stand here. Even as I’m typing this now, I have to keep moving around. I’m antsy. It just hurts all over.

I think that has to be a learned response? i do think that I have a very low range of motion. I’m still totally mystified how after day in and day out, I don’t seem to increase my range of motion. Every day it should just get a little bit better. Yet, it doesn’t.

Hopefully this books gives me some tips. I can use all the help I can get.

I tried a new Craniosacral massage therapist – my thoughts on it

The one thing that I find the most relaxing is a Craniosacral massage. It’s so relaxing. There is no worry about someone pulling you too much. Your brain doesn’t have to think about where it’s coming from next. It just is. It’s the best.

However, this therapist had no idea what she was doing. I mean, truly. First off, she did Reiki, which is fine in and of itself.

(However, later, when we discussed, she confused the terms Reiki and what is cranial-sacral massage. Just to be sure, I looked it up on the internet. I mean, one of my really good friends did it for me in SF, and I trust that she had the terminology correct. However, it never hurts to check. I was right. That was not it.)

Does Reiki work?

I like Reiki. I know that it’s a sham. However, for me, it helps calm me, that, I think anyone would agree, is helpful. I don’t realize how wound-up I am. Not until I have to lay there and feel myself breathe. Which, by-the-way, I really don’t do. It’s true. When you are in so much pain all the time, you begin to change your breathing patterns. I breathe so shallow now. It was actually kind of hard to force myself to take true breaths. Not even deep breaths, just real, true breaths.

So I wouldn’t knock her for that, per se, but that’s not what I asked for.

Other bad was that after the Reiki, she asked if I would like a scalp massage. SUre. Yes, as this is closer to Craniosacral massage.

I’ve had hair washers at the spa give me a better scalp massage.

Overall,  poo-poo experience.

It was good though, as I said, to realize my breathing when calm is still so shitty. I think what it did help me realize is that I need to do those online Youtube meditation videos again. Just not the ones that talk about your relatives visiting you from beyond the grave. Uh, it’s supposed to be relaxing! Not invoke tears!

 

Madeline Fresco is a novelist who lives in San Francisco. She is the author of CROSSED THE LINE, available for Kindle at Amazon.com, for Nook at Barnes & Noble, and as an ePub at other eBook retailers. You can also listen to her novel as a free, serialized audiobook at madelinefresco.com. Her second book THE CHOICE, is available on Kindle at Amazon. Her third book ANGUISH, is available for Kindle at Amazon.com

Pain is pretty bad today

The pain is pretty bad today. I’m not sure if I slept funny, or what, but it is so bad. I woke up this way. I can barely stand still I’m shaking so bad from the pain. I’m kind of twitchy, ya know? Like I’m just in so much pain my body can’t not move — like it’s trying to escape from itself. I’m not making any sense, probably because of the pain. I’m so anxious and fidgety from it. I just keep trying to find a comfortable position today. Stand … lay … stand …lay. The intervals between them are so short and neither feels good. Even my feet are vibrating the pain is so bad.

I’m not sure what to do. None of the pain meds work. I’m so hot in my apartment too, that’s not helping. I wish there was something I could do. I’m just at my wits end. I need a reprieve from all of this. A vacation. Wouldn’t that be nice? A vacation from my shitty, shitty life.

Oh, great. Now I’m crying. Just f’ing perfect.