Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving. I have so much to be Thankful for. I have a great brother and sister-in-law who call me almost everyday to check up on me. I have great friends that stop by for visits and tell me what’s going on with their worlds. I’m healthy — besides the back of course. I also have money coming in, so I don’t have to struggle there. I also have money in the bank.

I know things aren’t great with my back, but other things are going well, and I need to be appreciative. I mean, things could be so much worse. I could be fighting cancer or another illness, one of my family members could be sick — any number of things. I mean, what if I didn’t have money coming in with the back pain? How would I even support myself.

So, yes. I have a lot to be thankful for. I just ate a really great meal, watched my beloved Green Bay Packers look abysmal on national television, and am now writing a blog to share my feelings with the world.

Take care of yourselves today and I wish all of you well.

Doctor visit update and new ultrasound results

Well, finally got some good news from the doctor’s office today. I had him do another ultrasound of my back. He said that it looks much better than it did the first time he did an ultrasound. Good news!

I love dogs

However, I did try and get him to pin down if it was better than the last time. He really did a great job of evading that answer. I’m gonna let it go though. As long as it shows that it’s healing, that means that it CAN  heal. I mean, that’s my biggest dilemma. For some reason, my body just doesn’t heal as well as other people.

I also wrote him two days ago in regards to my muscle taking so long to heal. I asked him about maybe, finally, trying to do more blood work outside if a CBC and a Chem 7.  I thought maybe some kind of rheumatology blood work, perhaps a muscle biopsy, and even test for heavy metals. Who knows? Maybe all those years of riding my scooter to work behind people’s exhaust pipes did a number on me.

He referred me to someone else. However, this person is all the way in Mission Bay area, which is 20 minutes from my house. Considering I barely made it home from Marina Green the other day, that drive seems highly unlikely.

I debated not asking him, but then though, screw it. I asked him if he would place a phone call to the doctor for me and have a consult. Here’s the thing. I don’t want to drive ALL the way down there only to have the doc ask me to bend a couple of times and then suggest all the same stuff everyone else has. I want a different outcome, and if I’m not going to get one, I don’t want to put my back through the drive.

So there it is. A bit of good news. I’ll take it. It doesn’t mean my pain is going to be gone. It just means that if I can get this muscle to heal, then I will know more about what is causing the residual pain.

Oh, and one more thing. I did not take that apartment. It was entirely way too small for way, way too much money. I can’t even believe how much they were asking for it. I know my husband was thinking at least I would be able to walk around whenever I wanted, but still. It had to have been less than 400sq ft for $2850/month. I couldn’t even fit my bed into the bedroom. It would only fit in the family room.

Oh, well. Back to the drawing board.

Random Ramblings – moving out of my apartment

So I think it comes down to how do I think  I am best going to get better? I think the best way is if I move apartments. I need to be able to come and go as I please. I also need to be able to do more stuff, which is what the freedom of having a ground apartment will do. I won’t get better if I keep doing the same things all the time.


In my heart of hearts, I know it is for the best. I just hate the idea of having to spend all the money on moving. I hate the idea that it is going to be a rough go, trying to fit everything from my apartment, which is quite large, into a much, much smaller apartment. I also don’t like the fact that I’m not going to be able to do much of the work. Even supervising it could prove to be taxing. I think I will have to do a little bit at a time, spread out over the next few weeks.


It’s also sad that on top of losing my dog, my job … I now also lose my apartment.

Chronic pain journal – rambling

I walked twice today for 30 minutes, so that was pretty good. However, I just can’t get over the fact that sometimes when I wake up, I think to myself, why is it so bad? If I woke up with this pain today, I would think it would be gone in a few weeks. I just don’t understand why it just won’t go away?

It’s been tough lately, with my 3 year old niece. She asked me last Friday if I would come over. I live in San Francisco and they live in Salt Lake.

Me “No, baby, I can’t come over – -I live far away.”

Her “Can you come over in an hour?”

Me “No, Baby.”

Her “In TWO hours?”

Me “No, baby, not even in two hours.”

Her “In ten hours?”

How do you argue with that? There was certainly tears that night on my part.

Today she asked me to come over and paint her nails. Later in the conversation she asked me if she could come over here. I think in her three year old brain she is trying to work out a way that we can see each other.

I hope she finds the answer.

I hate how much I am missing out on. Seriously, it just absolutely sucks.

My daydreams of seeing her are even changing. Now when I think of seeing her, it’s me, just sitting there. Not being the fun aunt that plays with her, that rough-houses with her.

I’m so over all of this.