4 weeks post set back. I’m sad

I’m sad

Saw my doctor today 4 weeks post setback. He didn’t look too thrilled to see me, which is rather irritating. Does he think that I really want to still be coming to the doctor?

I asked him to do another ultrasound on my back. It confirms that I still have a tear at the right erector spinae muscle. I asked if he thought it looked new? Or worse? He said that it just looks like a bit of a continuation of the previous muscle tear.

He recommended for that perhaps PRP in the future, thinking that the Prolotherapy wasn’t going to be enough to help solve that muscle tear. I asked him if he thought I was starting over from the beginning. He said no, but he wanted to really wait to give me a prognosis until we got a repeat MRI to see how the annular tear at L5-S1 was doing.

He was not a fan of getting facet joint injections of the L3-L5 area. He felt like the epidural steroid injections really didn’t help the first time around and that they probably wouldn’t help this time around either but that he didn’t want to make any recommendations until he got the results of the MRI.

He was not too geeked up on taking the Celebrex or doing Lidocaine patches during the day, thinking that the Lidocaine would mask the pain and that that would perhaps do more harm than good. He thought that it would be just fine to use them at night, and that it might help me with sleep.

As for physical therapy, he too, said no more.

Only other real thing that he said was absolutely no sitting and not a lot of standing, but that he wanted me to really keep moving. That’s a tough one. How am I supposed to keep moving and not stand and not sit? Ughh. And stairs are really not that successful, so how am I to get out of the house?

Overall, I am very, very stressed out, and not sure what to do. I mean, there really isn’t anything I can do. It’s hard. You want to be proactive in your recovery, and it’s more like just sitting (or not) around and waiting. I can’t cry myself to sleep every night. That’s not really helpful either.

Massive setback

Well, about a month ago, I was told that I would still be better by January 1. I have to say, I was actually starting to believe it. FOr the first time, I was able to sit longer, I was able to walk longer, and while I was out (standing) at a bar, I was able to last longer than I ever had before.

Sadly, I actually started to get a little bit of hope.

Then, again, my physical therapist did an exercise that ended by good luck streak and my chances for a recovery by January 1.

 

I don’t know what to do now. I’m at such a loss. It’s been 3 1/2 weeks since the injury and I am still severely limited. I look old after this year and a half. I feel like what a president looks like when they leave office. I look tired, my skin is splotchy, and I’m fat. I’m lonely, feel isolated, and don’t know what to do. Do I calm down — knowing that I will EVENTUALLY  get better? But, the truth is, I don’t know anymore. I actually started to have a bit of hope a month ago. Now I am down in the dumps again.

Any advice?