Physical Therapy Journal: Stairs!

So this week I told my physical therapist something that was hard to admit. That me not doing stairs at this point was probably more mental than physical.

Now let me clarify. It’s not like I could do them and was just avoiding it. It was more that I was doing well — still having pain, but definitely less than what I was typically having before. So I was scared on two levels. One that I would do it and that I would start hurting again. Trust me, finally not having around the clock pain is something of a gift from heaven (also because every second your still wondering if the pain is just about to come). Second, I was afraid that as soon as a did the stairs, I would realize it was too painful and not be able to do them at all. Which would mean that even thought I thought I was doing better, in fact, I really wasn’t.

Yet, I did the stairs at the physical therapist’s office both Monday and Tuesday without negative impact. Yay! However, I did do the stairs in my apartment on Wednesday and today (Thursday) and I hurt more than I did at the PT office.

I think that is b/c the stairs are steeper (and a bit more narrower) here than they are at the office. So next Tuesday I’m going to measure them to check — basically to find out if it is all in my head.

So a lot of positives, a lot of fears, and  a lot of waiting and seeing.

All my love,

Madeline Fresco

Random Ramblings: 1 year after first injury

So, sometimes it’s hard to realize I have been dealing with this back pain for as long as I have.  It’s weird, because I deal with it everyday, so I know how much it impacts my daily life, but every once in awhile, like today, I look at my calendar and realize it’s been a year. This time last year, I was in Greece with my best friend, figuring out how to release my first novel on Amazon, and wondering if it was the right time to start a family.

Sometime, probably 6 months ago, I put in my calendar that next week it would be a year, and I should be better, so I wrote that I should start taking golf lessons. That entry hurt. I am no where near taking golf lessons, and, in fact, still can’t tie my shoes.

It’s so difficult watching your life just zoom by without you. Friends have had babies … that’s a weird concept. I have been hurt so long that other people have brought a whole other person into the world while I have still been in pain.

I shake my head at the whole thing. All I can do is do my exercises and hope for the best. I still have 4 months to go, so I guess I am still on track, but God, dear God, do I hope that in another 4 months I have my life back.